Memoir..

I remembered alright.
That rainy night.

They took her away that night.
The first girl I loved.January the something. Or was it, February blue.
I never loved since. Her first and my "last".

She sang me beautiful songs.

But we, no we are not lesbians.
I am just another girl, in love with a girl.Remember?
We are in love.Like you, and you.
And him and her.Neither of us are lesbians.
We are, in love.

Make thick my blood.
So that I can dwell in her memories for a lifetime.
But i know, i'll never be the one.
What can i say?
They whispered "love is blind".

when she left me.
To rush, to dash..

and so, i used to be in love with a girl.

sometimes, its too good to be true

It's funny. That air. Stale as it is lonely. I watched the night clouds with my black framed glasses at the top of my head. Irony, isn't it. Watching with both eyes closed? At that point of time, I pray the skies would just envelope me and take me upwards. Anywhere but here please. Anywhere.

I never was one for negativity, but for that one moment, I felt it, the weight of the world. It's funny how people in love would often promise to each other the world. I'll give you this, give you that. The stars, the moon, the sun, anything and everything your heart could possibly desire. Pity. What they do not know is how heavy the world truly is.

But I laid there, silly me. I laid there for an hour without moving a muscle, I laid there breathing in what the world has to offer, on my shoulders. I heard the trees rustle and the wind whistle. I heard you. How isit possible to even feel this empty? The weight of the world...hahaha.

Fuck. So i got up. And I ran. I ran in circles and I ran away from the world. And though my eyes were damp and my head was everywhere but there with me. I never felt a sense more beautiful than running. AWAY.

....

I fear.

I fear it's a fear more than fear itself,
my fear is this fear that I fear myself.

So the night has eventually decided to sell itself.
Like those stars, I've once hopefully placed on this wooden shelf,
disappointment first, bar and jugs, later.
Where once, I cried. Where twice, I slept. Where thrice, I fought.

Go away, seasons. Please go away.

Last night, the same chilly breeze that used to brush my frame some several months back returned. I was quick to reach for my blanket. Only to discover that nothing could be of any comfort to me at this point. Nothing. Why am I not suprised? I'm amused at the measly knowledge that I have build up of myself over the years. It's an ugly one I'll say. I'm one for running away. I'm one for myself. I'm one for selfishness. I'm one for one.

I used to believe that hmm maybe someday I'll learn to overcome myself, fill up the voids in this life and probably let loose. I've given up on that thought. I have came up with a logical reasoning as to why I should. I'm too complicated for me to go figure, let alone, others.

Sometimes, its difficult to understand certain things.
Sometimes, its best if you could be a feelingless individual.

just something

It's ok child, now take the hand.
Tomorrow, we'll make a better plan.
Life, never a bed of roses,
Us, we never fail to trample.
But it's ok child, just count to 3.
Breathe out all bad memories.
We fall to learn, we kiss to tell.
We're only human, this a trial.

Someday soon, I promise you.
My lies have always been the truth.
One to spread that golden smile, your problems swept, a single pile.
Off your feet, away you go,the brightest star, your movie show.

P/s: im having cogs now. was bored.

The Stranger.

I might be extremely stupid. Which is why I write so much. Smart people keep their thoughts secret because they are far too great to share with others. I am more on the dense side. Which is why i may sound so pathetic sometimes. Ohsovery pathetic.

One day,
I'll run away with Stranger if i could. A day's get away, an escape. Yes far away from the hustle and bustle of city life. We'll build a tent along the sea side. Stare at the sea for hours and not utter a word. We'll just stare, stare and daze as we watch life pass us by.

Come afternoon, it'll rain heavily. But we won't seek shelter, not today. Instead, we'll let the rain trickle down our faces. Those salty raindrops, those sweet raindrops. Such pretty raindrops. Here comes the sun. I'll take stranger by the hand. Together, we'll point at the clouds and cautiously trace out the silhouettes of all the animals we can find. Stranger likes the giraffe best. So tall and graceful, so full of hope. My sentiments exactly.

This innocence is pure. This innocence is golden.

And Stranger could forget my name. I'll forget Stranger's. Embarrassed, we both would be. But that's okay, for it would only just be for today. The day where we let go of all things worldly, all things sad.

Today, we'll start everything from scratch and we'll head right back to basics. I'll teach Stranger how to make paper cranes if Stranger would show me how to smile. Then I'll sing Stranger a song. Soft and out of tune. Stranger will laugh at me, funny, because I like laughing at myself too. And when night time comes, Stranger will read me a book. Stranger will mispronounce some words. But I won't correct Stranger. I like Stranger's imperfect. Stranger's closer to me that way.

'The Stranger'
The End!

Love, Suzlynn
P.s: if i was meant to do many great things in life. I would still continue writing. Random stories. Since it doesnt happen in reality why not in my own little fantasy.

Coz im willing to write 100 things for a friend.

I'm sorry things have been so hard for you lately.
I'm sorry, I dint know you've tried.
I understand how hard it is.
For you to smile and talk to me..
I know... and I understand, afterall, we all do get tired sometimes.
It's ok that you chose hide instead of face.

It's ok, we are only human and human nature this is.

They say, knowledge is power.
Still I insist, innocence is.
I guess everyone took a bit of you, huh?
I guess they raped you of your child-like dreams, huh?

I'm sorry, you never deserved that.
You used to be that cute joker but,
Who are you now?
Do you remember that first time we met?
The second time, i was angry because you were jealous?
The third time, i cried because i deleted my powerpoint by accident?
The fourth time, we debated again?
The fifth time, where you had to buy something for me because i answered correctly?
The sixth time, you tried to change me to become a nicer person?
The seventh time, you helped me brush that guy off when i did not want to see him in class?
The eighth time, you tried to become scofield and i wanted to be sara so badly?
The ninth time, i cried because i did not understand programming?
The tenth time, we decided to buy ramlee?
The eleventh time, we studied programming?
12 )You lend me your flannel?
13) You gave me waffle?
14) You always remind me to eat well before dance?
15) Remember, we dint like to go to school on the tuesdayssss?
16) Remember, our ban mian session?
17) Remember, you asked me about your shaved hair?
18) Remember, i asked your opinions bout the military vest?
19) Remember, i gave a person a nickname called shrek?
20) Remember, you told me bout the first girl you kissed?
21) You like to give me those stares, knowing that i will blush?
22) and then we argued again because i think you were noisy?
23) The next day, i was waiting for my waffle but you dint give me?
24) But then we confessed , saying that it saddens us when we did not talk to each other for two days?
25) Whenever i tried my best to be angry, you will still find it funny?
26) You think my perfume smell like "the after-make-out" smell?
27) Remember how you influenced me with indon songs?
28) Remember, your nickname was "nicholas"?
29) Remember, we shared some songs?
30) Remember, we wore our skinnies folded?
31) Remember, you will be like " Suz, you know what i want"?
32) I'll be like "honeydewmilktea"?
33) I know you like those fries?
34) You always tell me that im slim enough when i wanted to be skinnier?
35) You like to see girls reading?
36) I'll get angry when you change my MSN pm?
37) I will beat you sometimes?
38) I tried to step fierce?
39) You like to try my bangles?
40) You will also try my rings?
41) We played squash?
42) You like cats? But, im afraid of them?
43) BBQ time, we tried to take indon pictures?
44)I still keep your messages , trust me
" hey im sorry if i annoy you most of the time. once you said you want at least a day without the drama and trust me i so agree with that. But then again that would mean nt talking to you bt see the thing is i like having you around, talking to you. so yeah , i myself confuse."
45) Yes, i still keep some of your messages because it means a lot to me?
46) Remember, i will force you to eat more?
47) Remember, its always a must for me to take a picture with you whenever i brought my camera?
48) Remember, you like to tell me about what your mother thinks?
49) About what does it mean when two people keep arguing, non-stop?
50) Remember, how you stole my panda biscuits?
51) Remember, we exchanged breakfast?
52) Remember, you acted like you know all my friends?
53) And i will do the same way?
54) Remember , we argued again?
55) This time, i was jealous because that lady lecturer likes you a lot?
56) Remember, during science when i dont understand, i aksed you for help?
57) Remember during Math, three of us make a perfect team?
58) Remeber, you never fail to pop out on my MSN?
59) Telling me random stuffs?
60) Im always looking forward to it?
61) People thought we were together?
62) Because our friendship were so strong?
63) Remember we fought again, during enterprise?
64) Remember, you told me that im actually nice?
65) Remember, you told me that im actually weak?
66) Remember, you told me that i acted strong?
67) I know, you know my favourite bbt?
68) Remember, you called me late night to clarify some doubts before the test?
69) Remember, you told me to sleep coz i was like half dead?
70) Remember, you told me to accept certain things?
71) Remember, you told me that you wld help me to be a nicer person?
72) Because, i was a heartless moron most of the time?
73) Im that girl that will always pop out first, when you take quizzes?
74) Remember, i lend you my navy blue hoodies?
75) And someone was jealous?
76) Remember, you told me you like to buy from that indian uncle for breakfast coz you pitied him?
77) Remember, you told me bout what shrek thinks of your mum?
78) Remember, you will always ask me for the ipod USB cable?
79) Remember, you hated me when i gave you the bitch face?
80) Remember, your annoyyyiiing jokes?
81) The tuesday make out jokes?
82) Remember, you like drinking beer and shades?
83) Rememeber, we all played with the sanitizers?
84) Remember, our "After much liberation and deliberation"?
85) Remember, i said "im sorry too"
86) You smiled and when back to sleep?
87) Remember, we like water coolers?
88) Remember, we were in the same group for the first whole week?
89) Remember, you told me that you were on the way to Malaysia?
90) Remember, i told you how much i missed my sister?
91) Remember, you told me that you would be there for me?
92) Remember, you told me that you would be my "sister"?
93) Remember, you told me "do i look better with my hair up"?
94) Remember, you told me that you would make out there and then if there was an indon girl in yr class?
95) Remember, You told me that you think like a girl?
96) Remember, you told me you think a lot?
97) Remember, i told you i like to do "soul searching?"
98) Remember, i told you that i like bad boy looking boy?
99) Remember, you told me you like pity looking face girl?
100) Remember the last mesage you sent me ?

"After much though and deliberation ( your fav line) i decided to apologise for my actions that day." 4/09/2009 : 4:40 am

Sorry for the grammatical, spelling,vocabulary errors as i was writing continuously.


A little too late.
But like mother always say,Child, better late than never.
Trust her, trust me.
Sorry, maybe I should just stop writing.
Sometimes, I hit the nail too hard.
Perhaps it is just time to stop thinking,about that water, the one that is in your cup.
Half empty, half full?Listen not to them.Just drink it because...you're thirsty.and obviously...every thirsty man, can.

I still dont understand why you told my friend.
Why cant you just tell me straight to my face?
At least, i know.
Perhaps, things would be different.
Why must i hear it from my friend?
Why was i selfish?
Why were you selfish?
Why dint i get your hints?
But, why dint you tell me?
I never wanted it to turn out this way.

I wanted our usual coversation.
But, at least i know now.
I missed our friendship.
I feel awkward now.
I sounded like a looooser, but pride and ego doesnt matter now.
I would rather save my friendship.
As cliche, as it may sound....

But, doesnt that friendship means anything to us.

If we knew, this is how it ends?

Why did we even start and began?

Maybe, ive became

forever blind and quiet

in the most absurd of ways.

Love,Suzlynn

nothingness

Well second day of sem 2 was pretty cool.
Meet some new friends. My teammates was pretty awesome.

For that Moment

Its heartbreaking

They broke me down
Into fragments of what I know not anymore
It's always easy to say
For words are cheap
Nonetheless
Friendship
I thought it meant something,
We meant something
Then again
Words are cheap.